Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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