Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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