he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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