just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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