Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
