and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
