I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
