took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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