I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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