I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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