Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize