You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
