I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
