You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
