how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
