Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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