Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
