Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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