Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
