my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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