New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize