did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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