Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
