Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
