Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No subtext here. People are naked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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