So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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