i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
