I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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