last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
