it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im holly from the hills drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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