Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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