just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
