Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
