I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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