I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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