I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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