Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
