guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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