Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
