I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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