Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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