Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
