Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
