So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
