the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
