Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She said her name was "party"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
