So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
