sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize