Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
