At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
