So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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