I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
