I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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