Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
