I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
