hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
