me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hippo gnu deer
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
