so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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