My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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