he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
