What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
