New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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