Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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