one might say we're banned from that church
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
