and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
