I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
