I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
