If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
