At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
