Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
