Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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